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Enoshima has been having talks with Chiaki. ...more than that, I approached her myself to discuss what we remembered about Mitarai's prison room. It was to both gather information and for...complicated reasons. I didn't tell you right away because... [He looks to the side while he puts his hands behind him. He knows he has a habit of staring at his scars.]

I needed to think about what she told me. And what I asked if her. Don't rush out the door or call Chiaki. It's important you don't. You remember what I was like until the fun house?

[ His voice is quiet at first, but his emotions are boiling up, his red eyes flaring up -- Komaeda probably knows that. But he's mad. Furious. ]

Why.

[ He doesn't answer Komaeda's question. He just says that single word in a tone that practically screams for him to get to the point. ]

[He sits very, very still. Hinata is mad. He'd expected him to be furious but this anger is like staring into a storm. Luckily he's faced down his master in a rage and by comparison the man who loves him is...not as bad.]

Chiaki and I are alike. We both think of others before we think of ourselves. It's taken me a year to find ways to express or even admit what I want. If you tell her not to do something, she will obey. Without a single question. Not just because of her personality but, her programming. She's just learning she doesn't have to obey it anymore.

But, [He has been facing down people of power here but it is the hardest thing to meet Hinata's eyes. Komaeda does it anyways. Because he isn't doing this for himself. It's for her and for Hajime himself.]

She loves us. That means she will put our wants ahead of hers. Listen to her first, then express your concerns. ...ah, and I know you're mad at me for talking to Enoshima. But you knew I was doing that already. And how often!

[He leans forward and says softly. As he speaks he draws his hands up and reaches out to cup Hinata's face in his hands. Maybe it's addictive the way he always wants to be touching his partners. Always close. To see is to believe and being allowed this is another sign that he's loved and cherished. Instead of tolerated and only admitted around on sufferance.] Do you really see me falling for her traps. I know her better than anyone else in this city now. ...and have too much to live for, too much binding me here to fall. I was alone before. The class didn't hide their digust when I returned from suspension. I was only tolerated.

It's different now. We're different. We're better men than we've ever been. Please, believe in me.

Edited 2016-09-13 20:52 (UTC)

I...

[ His red eyes are watery. He's so close to Komaeda, but he can't help but be upset. He's angry and upset and it shows as the shadows expand from his feet, shaky. Cracks line the floor, and it's clear that frustration sets in his expression but it soon calms down as daisies cover the cracks. ]

I'm scared, Nagito. You don't understand. She brainwashed your teacher. I saw it all happen. Ikusaba even lobotomized her brain and even showed a brainwashed Reserve Course student kill themselves with a- [ Shit. He wants to throw up just reimagining it; it's disgusting. ] Nngh... I don't want something like that to happen to her.

Yukizome-sensei was...

[He pulls Hinata close and the first thought is to tell him to have hope but, he squashes it. The tragedies of the past are...not what needs to be focused on.]

Hajime, she has us. The rest of the class and all the people we've all made friends with. Our class had only been united by Nanami and Yukizome-sensei. Individually, we all had our problems and none of them had been handled or dealt with. It's different here!

Remember, I remember Towa city and a lot of what happened there. I was here when she drove Peromei insane. I know what she is capable of. Even the shadow of her. We can teach Chiaki how to protect herself. I do understand. [His fingers card through Hinata's hair as he sighs quietly.]

I'm scared too.

I know.

[ He has to catch himself, sucking in a breath. He's still shaky; just by pulling him in close, Komaeda can already feel him shuddering, fingers latching onto his arms, digging his nails. ]

I know. I... I heard her. She wanted to brainwash Nanami. [ Not Chiaki. ] But then she changed her plan to brainwash the class, instead.

...We can get past it. Look what we've already achieved. I think Chiaki needs to know about this. We did promise to have no secrets from each other! [He drops his chin on top of Hinata as he whispers just loud enough for him to hear.]

Have a little faith in where we are now. It's okay to be scared, it feels so close. But it happened years ago and Naegi gave us a second chance. Small as it is, that tiny spark of hope can be fed. ...I'll be right here with you and so will she.

We can do this.

[ Hinata's ahoge bounces slightly, feeling rather comfortable where he is at the moment. He's content, as he finds himself calming slightly, blinking away any residual tears. But when he speaks up, his voice is empty once again. ]

I know that it was years ago. But I can't... help but think about it. I still don't remember what happened to her. [ And he worries about it. If their teacher underwent brainwashing, then what will happen to the rest of them? ] And I...

[ He stops himself, claming up. Although he can probably hear the sound of his voice in his head, telling himself: She was one of my only friends while I was in the Reserve Course. There's a darkness to his internal voice as his eyes lower ever so slightly. ]

Yeah. We'll be fine. Just... let me be close to you. Don't let go of me.

I didn't plan to let go. [Komaeda slowly slides from the desk and reaches under Hinata's knees. He lifts him up, wincing on a little at the strain.] Just like the first day we got together...but reversed.

[He's trying to lighten the air. He balances carefully as he walks the distance to the couch. His breath escapes in a rush as he sinks down onto it.]

...I'm here all night, so if you need to be like that for that long...I'm here.

Yeah. Let me... stay like this for a while.

I would suggest you drink a tea to help you sleep. But I assume you want to stay awake for a while.

I don't know if I'll even be able to sleep at this rate...

You could but it would require my help and herbs. [He has a fair understanding of sleeping draught and herbal teas for sleep. His own insomnia a symptom of his illnesses had required it. He hadn't had the options on the island that he uses here.] Or Raijin but the later would knock you out immediately.

But you wouldn't dream. [Sleeping artes were a last resort in his mind.]

. . . I'd like to have dreams, thank you very much.

Then we won't use him. So, I'll ask you directly. Do you want to sleep for a little while?

... You'll sleep with me, right?

[He knows how to read under the words. Hinata needs him to stay. With a small smile he bends down, reaching under the table. A hidden drawer pops open, revealing a few mugs and jars of herbal teas.]

I'm going to use Dunamis to help speed it along. We'll sleep for a few hours. [He grabs the smallest of the jars and two pale grey mugs from the drawer. He shuts it with a snap. The easy part is using magic to fill the mugs and set them to brewing. The hard part is the chant. It's a specific series of words. He talks quietly of storms and the calm that cones after they're gone.

The phrasing is always different, but the story has to be preserved. His chanting rises and falls like the sea until the tea turns to a draught, as clear as pure water. He stares at the mugs for a moment.

Sleep has never been safe for him. Sometimes it can be. Other times he wakes Chiaki and Hajime up with twisting and turning and cursing the past. Maybe this time would be different. He passes one mug to Hinata and cradles his own.]

Ah, I'll warn you. This is a lot like falling. Don't be afraid, just let go and it will all be fine.

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cw: suicide, body horror and dr3 spoilers

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