![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
► ic contact ( emp )
- Inbox for Hinata Hajime at Empatheias.
Feel free to utilize this for telepathy, messenger birds, any Future Beginnings shenanigans or action.
Please note the date and type of message it is in the header, please.
Warning: Spoilers for SDR2 + DR3 in the comments!
no subject
[ His words are immediate that it's almost scary. He can hear the emotions that trickle past his ears, but in Hinata's there's just pain. ]
I can't go to Nanami. Not with thoughts like this. Not when the person I didn't seem fit to be was--
[ Although Komaeda can't see it, he shakes his head, cutting his words off. ]
Sorry. I just wanted to be proud of myself. To tell my friend that I had this awesome talent, that I was amazing. That I could be someone to look up to. I was empty, so this was the only way that I could fill it up.
no subject
But.]
Hajime.
[His voice sounds a lot steadier than he thought he could make it. Score one for him.]
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be proud of yourself and be seen. ...do you, still think you're empty these days?
[He really doesn't like the idea of Hinata laying alone with thoughts like this in his head. ...he's digging his fingers into his forearm, bright sparks of pain to focus past the storm inside his own head. He can't, can't start approaching despair or Hinata might react badly.]
...come here. I won't look if you don't want me to. But, I can't leave you like this. I'll come to you if I have to. I can't abide by your wish to be left alone anymore. Not after hearing that.
no subject
[ He's not like how he was before; it's obvious with the clarity in his voice. How even he manages to make it sound despite the pain that's seeping through with every syllable. The way he says it doesn't match up with how he's feeling about it, and it's a striking contrast. ]
But... are you really okay with that? [ Are you okay with me? ] I don't know if I can come out like this. Can you come over?
no subject
There's no barrier at all. It's a testament to just how little control he has at present. Worry, relief that he isn't being pushed away again.
The planned route he'll take through the city.] ...I told you. When you need me, I'll always come for you.
[He's never loved anyone the way he loves his partners. He's never been loved like this.
He needs to focus or his own messed up head is going to make things difficult.] I'm not going to cut the connection while I make my way there.
[Boy is he going to feel it in the morning going across town at his planned place. Right behind that is how little he gives a damn about morning soreness in the wake of going to Hinata.]
no subject
[ But even though he won't cut the connection - and even though Hinata himself wouldn't either, he isn't sure what to say; not really, anyway... ]
... Thanks.
Dr3 spoilers
Whatever Komaeda remembered wasn't good. He breathes out.] Sorry, I remembered being suspended and why.
I really lived in my own little reality back then. [He is glad he's had the life he's had here and even more than that.] I have a question but, I'm coming inside first.
[The lock turns and Komaeda steps into the apartment through the now open door. He wipes his forehead and shuts the door behind him. He takes a moment to pull off his green coat and hang it up, to let Hinata compose himself.]
no subject
That would mean running away from his own.
He can't do that, nor does he want to. He can feel the shadows creeping by his feet when he tries to dispel the negative emotions from the link, pouring his love back in.
It's okay. It's okay, alright? But soon enough, Komaeda unlocks the door and Hinata himself smiles slightly; it's not a happy smile, but it's one that's calm enough, reassuring. ]
Welcome home.
[ It's the traditional greeting, but he says it nevertheless. He'll allow Komaeda to settle, first. ]
no subject
First and foremost...he turns and wraps his arms around Hinata, rubbing his cheek against his own.] We'll deal with my memories later, I missed you.
[The faint threads of memory drift up like thin fingers of fog, reminding him of how it had felt when he was healing himself. The sensation like sharp knives inside his head. Memories whirling and rising to the surface until he couldn't tell when he was. Komaeda had been terrified that that would be the last thing he'd know. But his hopes, and thus by extension, Peromei's had been strong enough to win. He rubs Hinata's back in soothing circles, as he says into his ear.]
There is something master taught me, when I was first learning under him. I still had this idea that there existed the worthy and the unworthy. I'd expressed as such and he told me to look to the stars. I didn't get it at first. He told me the story of Athena and Hades holy wars. They started in an Era called the Era of Myth when humans and gods were but a breath apart. They have continued down through the ages, each time Athena reincarnates. Human warriors called Saints, fight at her side.
They die. Often in droves, and only barely turn back Hades each time. To outsiders they might seem like garbage or fodder for the gods...but they lived their lives to the fullest. Life is...far more than rubbish. Our lives as well.
[He sighs, the ghost of the teenager that couldn't understand his instuctor's words lingering in his mind. He pushes past it, pulling the memory of that star filled night back into focus.]
I asked him. If our lives aren't trash, what are they? What do you think he said, Hajime?
no subject
I don't know. [ He admits with a light chuckle. ] But even if I don't know, I can still give an answer, can't I?
[ A rhetorical question, as he keeps on speaking. ]
Of course, my answer might be different than his. Our lives... they're ours. To live them out to the fullest. Being happy, being sad, they're all a part of our lives. The good and the bad. Our mistakes, our mishaps. Things we did right and the things we did wrong. But we can't change that.
But even if we can't. Even if we've made a million mistakes and you think they're unredeemable. Not one single life is insignificant, nor is anyone trash.
Everyone's lives are equal, after all.
[ Hinata pulls a little away from Komaeda so he can place a hand on his cheek, lips curving into a wistful smile. ]
That means you too, Nagito. You already know that, don't you? That your life isn't trash. There's meaning to it. At least, to me. Nanami, too. Even Sonia, and Kirigiri -- and all your friends. Right?
no subject
Yes, I do know that these days. I'm not the...boy in my memories. Who thought extreme actions had to be taken when he was refused something he wanted. [He shuts his eyes for a moment. He can picture that cold night, when his breath fogged as he starred upwards. The first time anyone had tried to approach telling him the opposite of what he believed in a way that reached the obsessed mind.]
Master's answer was more...artistic? It's difficult to find words for it right now!
[He opens his eyes.] The universe. Even if each of our lives, individually is small, we're all part of the universe. If we understand this, we can feel it within us, and make that feeling burn...life can shine. Anyone's.
The most common example is 'stardust'. But...when you look at the stars you can't really call them dust, either can you? It was the first time back then, I saw beauty, in all of life. Even possibly, my own.
My hopes, my dreams...were a flickering candle's flame but he made me think of people...just as the way this world works...as a group of lights in the vastness of the night. [He reaches out and cups Hinata's face in his eyes, lowering his lashes as he adds.] Though, I'm particular to certain stars that shine close to me.
[It's lame, but he's hitting on his own boyfriend none the less. He missed him.]
no subject
[ It's just a little tongue in cheek, even if he tries his best to sound bitter about it. Besides, there are more important matters to discuss to begin with. ]
I guess you can also say each person is their own "universe", if we're going in that direction. Everyone is a center of it all and the people surround them, like stars or planets. It's a different interpretation, but it's still one that makes sense.
Because the people who are a part of your universe -- they can be close to you or far away, depending on the person.
[ He laughs a little at that last comment. ] But I'm getting a little philosophical, aren't I? It doesn't change the essential meaning behind it all.
Yet... I can't help but think sometimes. Based on what you said. If there's someone who doesn't understand that simple fact. They're just an unlit candle, aren't they? An existence that wants to shine, but can't, no matter how hard they tried. Because a candle is simply that: a candle. It can't burn on its own; it needs something to light it up.
Anyway. Was that what you really wanted to talk to me about Nagito? I mean... I know you came here for me, but I pretty much said what I needed to say.
no subject
Kuzuryuu's sister and the other girl that were murdered, they weren't part of the main course. Were they?
[He wants to be playful but, his memories stirred up a bunch of questions and answers he's not sure he ever wanted.]
no subject
[ His eyes widen ever so slightly before narrowing, Hinata's gaze shifting away. ]
No. The reason why the murders were thrown under the rug was because they were reserve course students. They were in my class.
no subject
[His emotions swirl in his mind and anger finally runs to the head of the pack. Curls of red flame form scales in the air but he holds his hand up, holding the flames in his hands. He turns it and twists it to hold the energy contained in a safe manner. Then stops. Could...he?
Komaeda twists the energy and forms a night sky, and stars fall into as he speaks.] I asked them to be postponed. My class was too dispondent and I didn't think they would do their best. It was rejected, due to media attention and my teacher being used to the system. I took matters into my own hands.
The results...They suspended me, indefinitely. Three students were expelled. There was a school building that needed rebuilt and our teacher was being transferred to the Reserve Course. They didn't want to get rid of me because my talent was so powerful it got exactly what I wanted. Back then I thought I could control my luck. I thought if I pushed the events into place, or had a concrete plan...I could force it to my will. It's not true. It has never been true that I had any control over it at all.
Are you familiar with the old saying, 'When a butterfly flaps its wings, a storm happens somewhere?'
no subject
[ He didn't know that, but then again, by that point, he already had made his decision to become hope. His gaze narrows and he can practically feel himself generating shadows; small ones, but there nevertheless. The smell of copper filling the air as if someone died, dark clouds beginning to form but Hinata soon waves it off. ]
So these practical exams: were they exams to showcase your talent? [ He's asking because he's skeptical. How does that even work with some of those talents? ] And... no, I don't.
no subject
But, that's getting off track. Yes, they had us showcase our talents before judges. And the media. They told us if we did poorly...we would be transferred to the reserve course. With my mind healed, I can go back over everything with the eye of what I've learned here. So far, after I...got sick. I've seen a lot add to why that school should have set fire to and blackened from all records.
[The last part is said with a bit of bitter anger. As a diplomatic figure in the city he can't even stomach the ideas of the Hope's Peak board of Directors.]
I don't think Enoshima had to even try to break that school. It was already a festering wound!
[Komaeda looks away with an angry hiss and finally says.] ...I came here to be with you but, I also...once those surfaced wanted to discuss this with you. It felt too important to leave alone.