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[He looks away, not wanting to look at Hinata while the memories are still fresh in his mind. Pushing himself? Well, it's not as if he isn't familiar with having very little sleep. The bed being empty when he has a nightmare...]

Mmm, did you know once we were all brainwashed...I was accepted? [His voice is soft, as if he doesn't want to say the thought out loud.] They all listened to me. My desk had been in the corner since my suspension. I was in the middle again.

[His shoulders shake as he laughs, quietly.] It was like...I was their representative leading them into despair!

[He's already thrown up about it. But his stomach rebels like he should do it again. Purge the truth from his brain. Enoshima hadn't been wrong about him at all. His connections to everyone had been one way. He'd been the outlier that suddenly was in the middle. Being accepted and looked to.]

[ ... ]

Stop.

[ He moves his hands to Komaeda's shoulders, wanting to make sure that he hears this. It's important, and he wants to shake his head at him, because this isn't addressing the problem. ]

That's all in the past now, Nagito. That wasn't them truly accepting you. All of you were brainwashed, after all. I accept you for who you are now. Not for who you were. There are things I want to tell you as well. But I want to show you rather than tell you... in person.

And you have to stop pushing yourself, too. You're going to break if you do that, and I don't want to see you like that.

[Some part of him wants to break. He's so tired. But every time he tries to sleep...] I know it wasn't them accepting me! I was never accepted. You know what I was referred to as? That guy. And that's the less insulting ones!

[Considering what he remembers from the islands and Hinata's own memories from after his 'death'. Acceptance never happened at home. For the first time in months, he wraps his arms about himself and stares at his feet. People accept him these days. But for every stride he's made forward he's had to fight the whole way.

While holding others up is fine...when he's done that for so long...his limits are being reached. Not that he wants to admit it.]

...what do you want to tell me? Ah, I mean where should we meet? [Pushing himself? Maybe he is. Constantly reaching out yet not taking any time for himself. Well. They need him.]

Edited 2016-09-23 04:50 (UTC)

It's okay, Nagito. You can let it out. I'll listen to you... I'll let you have me.

[ He smiles wistfully before Hinata decides to wrap his arms around Komaeda, trying his best to be comforting. ]

Are you at the house right now? I can meet you there.

No. I was reshelving books at the library. They got fussy with how I look and sent me off. [Read: he hasn't been doing well and they sent him home to go sleep. He's a regular and a polite one so they're being extra fussy about it.

He sighs, leaning into Hinata and slowly wrapping his arms around him in turn.] I'm nearly home.

[He rubs his chest on his chest, murmuring quietly.] I really miss you.

Well, you definitely need some rest, Nagito.

[ Even Hinata can tell and he isn't even using one drop of the talent Kamukura has. ]

I'll be there. And I did, too. I missed you. A lot. I just needed some time to myself. To think about everything that's happened in our world. It hurt so much, but now... I'm okay.

You were so angry. I needed to get away from you both before I made it all worse. It kept feeling like I should but doing that would hurt and cause despair. But that's what it felt like was...

[He shakes his head, burying his face in Hinata's chest.] I went to master. He gave me perspective...I'll talk more when I see you.

--
[He can't think of anything. He waits in silence, a mug of tea he'd brewed when he got home craddled in his hands. After a few minutes he half-dozes too tired to stay awake long now that he's home.

He'll wake the moment Hinata steps through the door.] Hajime.

Nagito.

[ His eyes are red, for tbe reasons he expects. Kamukura. ]

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You were right before... about him. Kamukura is harmless. He didn't hurt anyone. And he wasn't working with Enoshima, either. So I'll be here for you now. If there's anything you need. I'll do it for you.

You're...alright? [He sits up, setting his tea on the coffee table to get a better look at Hinata. He seems so put together that he laughs tiredly.]

...I knew I wasn't wrong. Just...the way he reacted to me in the shower. [He hadn't gotten the impression of anything to fear. Kamukura had even reassured him. His thoughts turn as he sags against the couch.]

...I don't...I don't know what I need, Hajime. [Love, probably. Reassurance. All things he has no idea how to ask for or voice.]

Yeah. I really am alright.

[ His voice is eerily calm before he leans in to give him a rather chaste kiss. ]

I love you. So let me kiss you more.

[He leans into the kiss with a soft groan. Kiss him more? Yes. Yes please. He reaches for Hinata's shoulder to pull him down into a deeper kiss. It's been days and he really should be ashamed how much he wants more. He wraps an arm around his neck to keep him there. Some of his fear burns away. He's used to fear so it isn't entirely gone.] Please.

Edited 2016-09-23 23:05 (UTC)

Alright.

[ He kisses him, harder this time -- and then opens the link between their minds. You're still scared. Can you talk to me? Tell me...? I want to ease all your fears and cut through them. ]

[He pulls back from the kiss with wide eyes. What. How did he? His breath comes out hot as he leans back in, resting his forehead against Hinata's. He almost gets up to walk away. This isn't... He sighs. Running away would just ruin what he wants to keep. I'm always afraid. It did get worse the more I gained without losing anything. Then we started remembering...and I didn't look too hard at it because you...needed me. One of us had to be sane!

His laughter is bitter and tired as he guides Hinata's hands under his shirt. Ahaha, being of sound mind unfortunately bursts a bubble I hadn't thought much about. I knew I wasn't liked before but the fact that after we were broken everyone looked to me and listened to me... He falls silent. There's not much else to say to that.]

[ It's okay. Even if other people don't like you, I'll always love you. He tries his best to be reassuring, speaking in a calm mental voice as fingertips run across his body before he goes right on to deepen the kiss. ]

[...

Why is the ceiling that of their bedroom? Komaeda slowly sits up and notices he's in his pants but little else. He winces slightly as his head pounds.] Hajime?

What. What happened?

... You forgot already, Nagito?

[ Because seriously, he doesn't think that doing it would make him forget that easily. It kind of makes him frown just a bit. ]

I didn't forget that but, I don't remember anything else after.... [He flushes. It hits him like a ton of bricks. Komaeda covers his face with his left hand in a vain attempt to hide his embarrassment.]

I passed out. [He had been pushing himself hard to bury the memories. To deal with the sudden loneliness while balancing trying to help Chiaki understand. Or at least be alright. He hadn't wanted her to think she was abandoned.]

It's fine, Nagito. I just watched you when you... [ Well, pass out. He can't help but bury his head in his shoulder, a little awkward. ]

You didn't mind, right?

[Komaeda cards his fingers through Hinata's short hair. He's a little too tired for his usual response.] Well, it's a little creepy. But, you love me and we both know I could out creep you without even trying so...

[He turns his head, rubbing his cheek again his with a pleased sigh.] I don't mind.

[His laughter is dry but real.] What a pair we make. How does Chiaki put up with us, I'll never know. But I'm grateful she does.

... Please don't. [ Referring to the whole 'outcreeping him' thing. ]

And yeah. I'm really grateful.

Edited 2016-10-05 17:48 (UTC)

[He winces. Said the wrong thing again. Komaeda sighs and wraps his arms around Hinata, pulling him close with the confidence he'd lay down with him.] Sorry, I was trying to lighten the mood.

Mm, but I'm really sorry. I wasn't paying attention to my health at all.

[That's nothing new. Not here. He has no doubt as he looks back the level of work he took upon himself was steadily pushing his health this way. ...but it hadn't been as bad as recently. As the memories piled up he raced faster and faster away from all they showed him. His fingers tighten on Hinata.]

...It was easier to focus on you and Chiaki than what my memories were doing. You needed the help after all! Both of you needed someone to stay sane.

[And he had gained chain after chain while dealing with the half-reality of his memories and present healed mind. It was bound to catch up to him eventually.]

You...

[ His voice evens out as he follows suit, wrapping his arms around him as he buries his head in Komaeda's neck. He won't say it aloud, instead telling him a message through telepathy so Komaeda doesn't have to deal with a muffled voice. ]

It's fine. Just take care of yourself, Nagito. Don't... push yourself. Not because of me or Chiaki or anybody else. I know that I crashed and burned but. I'm okay now.

I want to help you out.

It was difficult sleeping alone. I'm so used to your warmth, your scent...I couldn't sleep with the bed being so cold.

[There was far more to it than that. They both know it. Komaeda has never had what he has in this world. Especially his relationship with his partners. The fight right on the heels of memories of brainwashing and struggling to maintain himself enough to resist it.

He sighs, staring directly up at the ceiling.]

I kept dreaming of losing it all when I fell asleep. [It explains a lot without him having to put it into words.]

You won't.

[ Hinata's words are calm and soothing, but at the same time, it's also firm. ]

You won't lose me. I promise. Even if we aren't together physically... I'll always be there for you.

[No matter how far apart they are this bond will always exist? They're just words but, he wants to believe in them. Faint threads of gold light and glimmering dragon scales whisper up and curl around them. He's too tired to control the reaction, the energy of his hopes taking shape on the air.

As an apprentice healer he's also aware he shouldn't heal himself with magic all the time. He turns his body so more of him is pressed against Hinata and slides his hands down, resting them on his back.]

No matter how far apart we are, I'll be there for you as well. I'm sorry I took such bad care of myself. The timing was quite unlucky but as a result...I'll take better care of myself.

[He smiles a little wryly.] Patients won't trust a physician that doesn't know how to take care of their own body!

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*his cheek on his chest. jfc how did i miss that

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Insert timeskip to late evening

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